You know how drain cleaner works? Sodium bicarbonate reacts violently with water and citric acid breaks down almost any kind of blockage. It's incredibly potent. You know what it doesn't do, though? FIX FROZEN PIPES. I've had a bad day, in case you couldn't tell.
Of course, every day can be a shitty one if it starts at four in the morning. David flat out refused to get up when the cops started banging on the door. I had to do it, which strikes me as a little unfair. After all, is it my job to deal with random police searches in the middle of the night? I think not.
To be honest, I was scared shitless when I saw those uniforms. Thank Christ they weren't here for my cameras.
Speaking of the cameras, the one in 610 is on the fritz. I'm trying to fix it, but the electronics book I got from the kid at Frank's bookstore is way too up-to-date for this model. It's actually the first camera I bought, maybe... eight years ago?
Yeah, it must have been eight years, because I was pregnant with Hank when David first hired a hooker. I knew immediately, of course. When he walked in after his little rendezvous, he was smiling like he hadn't since I first started gaining weight. Within 24 hours, my first camera was secreted away under the front seat of his car.
He's a regular now. I always know, just like I knew the first time. I guess I didn't really need the camera, but there's something so compelling about knowing exactly when and how somebody's doing wrong. That way, I know exactly how much Veet to put in his shampoo the next morning. He really hates that bald spot.
After the police finished, Della Breed, the little girl from 503, asked me for a job. I wasn't going to say yes, but she told me she'd make sure to dust on top of the fan blades. How she knew about the dust complaints I have no idea, but I was convinced. It's under the table, obviously. I don't exactly approve of her sister's lifestyle, but I suppose it's not really misbehaving. Sarah seems like a nice girl, even with a girlfriend, and if she keeps behaving herself, I won't have to punish her.
Except for the Veet in David's shampoo, I haven't punished anyone since that horrible man in 508 threatened to sue me a few months ago. He didn't follow through, but it was still rude. Bad behavior, I call it. He and his family weren't exactly star tenants, either. I've never seen an apartment more saturated with dog piss. They left pretty soon after they threatened me, but I still had time to punish them.
You remember how drain cleaner works? Sodium bicarbonate and citric acid? Turns out, it works real well on dogs.